Superintendent reveals cure for poo-poo brain

Peach Grove GA (TWP)

Peach Grove Public Schools has reportedly initiated a new technology and electronic policy for the next school year. The policy is detailed in a 168-page document that explains the rules governing the use of all digital and electronic devices in the school, including cell phones, I-pods, I-pads, I-peds (electronic sneakers), and I-ponds (digital water bottles).

Superintendent Jordan Eslinger noted that the district needed to “revamp our policies on the appropriate use of electronic devices so that we might enter the 21st century digital paradigm.” The district’s policies came under fire when high school geometry teacher Sheryl Newley was reprimanded for allowing a student to use her phone to look up a word in dictionary.com.

Said Newley, who had given up policing the use of the phones to text and check Facebook status, “Our policy of confiscating the phones was not working. Plus, the last time I held out my hand for a student’s phone, he slammed it down on my palm, and I had to get stitches.” Instead of suspending Newley, who had a $1,838 hospital bill that she presented to the school, the board issued a reprimand.

Within days of Newley’s wounding, grade school teacher Bob Treat was also reprimanded for having his students create google-sites for posting written work and interacting with one another. One of his students had apparently said that another student was a “poo-poo brain,” and the victim’s parents were notified when another student texted his mom, who posted the comment on Facebook, which another mom saw and emailed the victim’s mom.

“The class period wasn’t even over yet, when I had a call from the office,” Treat said. “At the end of the hour I review what they have written before they leave, and we discuss appropriate comments and revision and do last-minute editing. But I didn’t even get that chance.”

The poo-poo brain’s mother said the comment “will probably destroy my son’s self-esteem and future chances of becoming a brain surgeon. How could their teacher let this happen?”

Eslinger, who teachers tell TWP, has been known to send vague email missives about how teachers need to be using technology in the classroom with accompanying links to sites that are usually blocked by the school software, said that computers and other electronic devices will not be banned from the school, since “we need to teach these kids computer stuff.” But he added, “We will have to do this in a one-on-one, case-by-case basis that will ensure individualized attention, retention, and . . . uh . . . prevention.”

When TWP asked for information on at least a  few of the damn policies, Eslinger said, “The details will ensure that students are monitored and that public discourse will remain respectful and appropriate.”

Asked to explain what this would mean in the classroom, Eslinger tightened his sphincter to under a millimeter and said, “We’ll be addressing that in a future meeting.”

As of this date, the 168-page document, which a middle school teacher accidentally picked up with testing booklets that had been sitting on the principal’s desk, has not been distributed to students or teachers. The unnamed teacher wrote about the document on an anonymous teacher blog, which is pending a Georgia State Education Department investigation.

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10 Comments

Filed under Teaching Whore Press

10 responses to “Superintendent reveals cure for poo-poo brain

  1. pigletruth

    If you try dog training skills on your students you will discover that the dog catches on a lot quicker than many of the kids and the I-Prod is a must-have item for sure!

  2. Sean

    There is so much that is blocked on our school’s internet we are shocked when we find a site that is not….This includes the Republican and Democratic Parties of Texas websites.( Yes, both blocked.) However, I can pull up the state Libertarian Party’s site….

  3. Miss Crabtree

    Maybe we should hold out for better and more reliable technology than they have at the local McDonald’s. You know it and I know it–it is a great day at school when the copier is working!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  4. Miss Crabtree

    Note to all: the staff at my school has dicovered that I-Prods are on sale this week at Circuit City. Get yours now while the price is low-low-low.

    Just think of the power you too can wield with this technological marvel. Pair it with the new improved I-Probe, and your classroom discipline issues may be a thing of the past.

    No more prodding and cajoling reluctant students. Bzzzzt! Move along Johnny. And, Suzy may be “sitting pretty” after probilization has been completed.

    • Miss C. I always love reading your comments! I used to kid my students that I had a cattle prod in my classroom closet (we live in a rural area!), and they believed me. I-prod, it is!

    • Gilda

      Just checked-Circuit City is sold out-they had a run on the store before school opened this am. Word on the street is that Best Buy will have them by Saturday. can’t wait-new, improved tech toys for the classroom!

  5. Gilda

    Dear TW/SATP’
    You have coined a brand new word and image for me-gotta LOVE the i-ponds. I so admire your creativity-talk about turning lemons into lemonade- the good kind-full of vodka and happy times! Please keep up your amazing work. Moving right along….

    Have you noticed that things that used to be “issues” are now “paradigms”? Paradigms must be really, really important, because I am seeing them at every meeting and reading about them in every admin memo. I seriously want to know who the jargon czar/ina is, because (s)he must be working awfully hard to jam so much crap into the already overcrowded lexicon we fondly call “educationese”-or, as my building staff refers to it–more bullshit from the boss.

    Perhaps a Depends for Superintendent Eslinger??

    • Gilda–How awesome. Thanks so much for reading. I remember first hearing “paradigm” from a super way back in 1989, and I thought even then….oh no, this is going to be an edu-term for the ages!

  6. Roxy

    And let’s use technology to make instructional materials more concise and understandable!

  7. scifilady

    Maybe we should let the students teach a technology workshop for the administration?

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