Bushwell NY (TWP)
Funeral services for Bertha Honeycutt, retired second grade teacher at Bushwell Elementary in upstate New York were held on Tuesday and briefly interrupted by a phalanx of mourners unable to get into the jam-packed church.
Honeycutt, the last documented public school teacher to teach unobstructed by testing and data mandates, quick-fix paradigm fads, and related educational bullshit, was laid to rest amidst the communal sobs of the nation’s students and teachers mourning the end of an era.
“She was the last of the mighty ones,” former student Hershel Ripley said. “She didn’t have fancy lessons or equipment, and we weren’t taking a multiple choice test every time we turned around. She just taught us.”
Honeycutt taught second grade at Bushwell for 33 years before retiring amidst an upheaval in the school district when a new system of merit pay linked to test data was instituted.
“She got out before the dipshits at the state department killed her,” fellow teacher Carl Duncan said. “They were coming down the hall to her room with a craptacular load of pre-planned lessons keyed to tests with accompanying data sheets when she informed them she was retiring.”
“I remember she had this old battered book of poetry. It was blue and she had leaves pressed inside it from when we would go outside and she would read to us and pick up leaves,” said former student Sandy Lawrence. “I miss her all the time.”
During her retirement, Honeycutt enjoyed crocheting, tutoring children and grandchildren of her former students, gardening, and competition skeet-shooting. She rarely commented on the turn that education had made, though she once told a reporter that “some children need to be left behind.”
In related educational death news, an autopsy on the corpse of Coherent Capitalization was being performed. The autopsy revealed the cause of death as an inability to combine uppercase with lowercase letters. Police say suspects include handheld technological devices and consumers incapable of integrating lowercase with uppercase letters.
Funeral services are ongoing at various sites throughout the U.S.