Drapertown FL (TWP)
A select group of ninja teachers from the Drapertown School district were partially successful in their afternoon meeting at the superintendent’s office today. Casualties were still being counted at press time, but the most severe injuries reported included a minor brain explosion and two cases of accidental vomit swallowing.
Ninja captain, science teacher Paula Stone, said, “Our initial strategy was to continue our practice of open communication, and then we realized we were tired of exposing ourselves and having to take it up the ass. Thus, the ninja training commenced.”
Stone explained that the teachers who were exhausted by unnegotiated changes that added another teaching hour to each day, an average teaching load of 140 students, and increased testing and fewer electives for students were hoping to compromise on a new plan. But previous attempts to even bring up the subject had been squelched by the superintendent.
Superintendent Pilkington told TWP that he had held a faculty meeting on the Friday before Christmas break. Inside sources at the meeting said that it began at 2:30 with Pilkington spending the first 30 minutes talking about teacher evaluations, then the next 20 explaining the new staff development training for a philosophy re-haul. With 10 minutes left before the holiday break began, Pilkington asked, “Is everybody on board for these changes?”
“What the fuck the man expect us to do? He wasn’t asking for input. He was asking for an enemy to reveal herself,” said kindergarten teacher Lois Lincoln, the team’s sergeant at arms, who provided the clipboards wherein the secret reasonable-school day schedule was hidden.
At 3:45, the team of ninja teachers surrounded the Education Service Center. Fully-loaded with real life experience with real live children, the teachers entered the front doors and reconnoitered while intelligence officer middle school computer teacher Randy Chavez attempted to hack the superintendent’s email system on his laptop; however, the school server blew a fuse and instead of loading emails, it counted all 7th graders absent for the day because of lice or pregnancy.
Once escorted into Principal Pilkington’s office, the teachers abused the English language in kind and contributed to the pile of feces growing beside Pilkington’s desk like curbside garbage during a trashman’s strike. They stared blankly, a few nodding like dashboard daschunds, as the superintendent discussed the new paradigm he expected them to align their curriculums with. Captain Stone swallowed a bit of vomit and continued staring at a spot somewhere near the superintendent’s left shoulder.
“When I gave the signal, Lois brought out the secret weapon,” said Chavez. “But I miscalculated Pilkington’s peripheral vision, and he saw the exposed reason in our plans and reacted by setting up an immediate line of arrogance.”
However, veteran teacher Teresa King, fed up with increasing levels of non-communication and repeated implementation of educational fads, exploded from the corner of the office where she had been crouching in stealth mode, “I can retire whenever the hell I want, so I’m calling retarded retarded. Yeah, I said retarded. The PC pussies can fire me if they want! I’m mad as hell and I’m not gonna take it anymore!”
The outburst from the darkened corner alarmed the superintendent, who attempted a quick escape from his leather chair but could not maneuver around the bullshit and fell face first into it. Chavez took the opportunity to dive across the solid oak desk and send a quick official email with the requisite misuse of apostrophes and empty praise of everyone and thus no one to everyone in the district calling for a change of schedule for the next school year.
King, who had fashioned ninja throwing stars from week-old cafeteria cornbread launched an aerial attack on the superintendent, who ducked and inhaled so much shit he almost lost control of his ability to praise an uppity teacher while planning her demise.