Ninja teachers invade superintendent’s office

Drapertown FL (TWP)

A select group of ninja teachers from the Drapertown School district were partially successful in their afternoon meeting at the superintendent’s office today. Casualties were still being counted at press time, but the most severe injuries reported included a minor brain explosion and two cases of accidental vomit swallowing.

 Ninja captain, science teacher Paula Stone, said, “Our initial strategy was to continue our practice of open communication, and then we realized we were tired of exposing ourselves and having to take it up the ass. Thus, the ninja training commenced.”

Stone explained that the teachers who were exhausted by unnegotiated changes that added another teaching hour to each day, an average teaching load of 140 students, and increased testing and fewer electives for students were hoping to compromise on a new plan. But previous attempts to even bring up the subject had been squelched by the superintendent.

 Superintendent Pilkington told TWP that he had held a faculty meeting on the Friday before Christmas break.  Inside sources at the meeting said that it began at 2:30 with Pilkington spending the first 30 minutes talking about teacher evaluations, then the next 20 explaining the new staff development training for a philosophy re-haul. With 10 minutes left before the holiday break began, Pilkington asked, “Is everybody on board for these changes?”

“What the fuck the man expect us to do? He wasn’t asking for input. He was asking for an enemy to reveal herself,” said kindergarten teacher Lois Lincoln, the team’s sergeant at arms, who provided the clipboards wherein the secret reasonable-school day schedule was hidden.

At 3:45, the team of ninja teachers surrounded the Education Service Center. Fully-loaded with real life experience with real live children, the teachers entered the front doors and reconnoitered while intelligence officer middle school computer teacher Randy Chavez attempted to hack the superintendent’s email system on his laptop; however, the school server blew a fuse and instead of loading emails, it counted all 7th graders absent for the day because of lice or pregnancy.

Once escorted into Principal Pilkington’s office, the teachers abused the English language in kind and contributed to the pile of feces growing beside Pilkington’s desk like curbside garbage during a trashman’s strike. They stared blankly, a few nodding like dashboard daschunds, as the superintendent discussed the new paradigm he expected them to align their curriculums with. Captain Stone swallowed a bit of vomit and continued staring at a spot somewhere near the superintendent’s left shoulder.

“When I gave the signal, Lois brought out the secret weapon,” said Chavez. “But I miscalculated Pilkington’s peripheral vision, and he saw the exposed reason in our plans and reacted by setting up an immediate line of arrogance.”

However, veteran teacher Teresa King, fed up with increasing levels of non-communication and repeated implementation of educational fads, exploded from the corner of the office where she had been crouching in stealth mode, “I can retire whenever the hell I want, so I’m calling retarded retarded. Yeah, I said retarded. The PC pussies can fire me if they want! I’m mad as hell and I’m not gonna take it anymore!”

The outburst from the darkened corner alarmed the superintendent, who attempted a quick escape from his leather chair but could not maneuver around the bullshit and fell face first into it. Chavez took the opportunity to dive across the solid oak desk and send a quick official email with the requisite misuse of apostrophes and empty praise of everyone and thus no one to everyone in the district calling for a change of schedule for the next school year.

King, who had fashioned ninja throwing stars from week-old cafeteria cornbread launched an aerial attack on the superintendent, who ducked and inhaled so much shit he almost lost control of his ability to praise an uppity teacher while planning her demise.



Filed under Teaching Whore Press

7 responses to “Ninja teachers invade superintendent’s office

  1. But what would we do without teaching fads to show us the way? Any fule kno the “latest” research is the greatest research

  2. Another great post!
    You immediately came to mind with the following post, about becoming a teacher, from The Economic Collapse:

  3. Declan O' Flaherty

    Another fantastic post, loved it!!

    Ninja teachers have got to be the deadliest ninjas of all.

    I nearly pissed myself with the image of Teresa King exploding from the corner of the room where she was crouching in stealth mode, lmao.

    So funny and witty.

  4. OMG I love your style……

    spread the

  5. Miss Crabtree

    My goodness. This is an account of a most unprofessional action foisted on a lone and defenseless chief administrator. These horrid ninja types caught him totally unawares and vulnerable in his bastion of power. Where, pray tell, was his Executive Assistant? Could she have not called for reinforcements? And where were Dr. Pilkington’s minions–the assistant superintendents, the deputy superintendents, the minor and lesser superintendents, the directors, the supervisors, the managers, the specialists??? Hmm? Don’t tell me that they had all left for the day. Why, it was only 3:45 and they are not supposed to leave until 3:50. Someone needs to do some explaining. I for one am appalled that these teachers had the audacity to promulgate such a nasty piece of business as you have reported here. Tsk-tsk-tsk.

  6. scifilady

    Not sure, but I think I know this supt.! I would enjoy seeing this plan of attack happen more often.
    I, too, am tired of the bullshit & intend to take it no more!

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