Robot educators bring 21st-century change to nation’s schools

Strickland, SOUTH CAROLINA (TWP)

Strickland Public Schools has been chosen to pilot a new educational program designed to ensure students pass state-mandated curriculum and graduation tests. The program, funded in part by a grant from 21st Century Edutech, formerly known as FallApart Products, will see Edutech’s new line of robot educators being placed in the classroom.

Strickland superintendent of schools Ron Maloney said of the program, “What better solution to the current crisis in education. We need more students to pass robotic multiple-choice tests; therefore, we need some real robots doing the teaching.”

 21st Century Edutech, former makers of digital blenders, bra extenders, and cardboard boots, got into the business of designing high-tech educational devices, which, according to the company president Steve Robbins, have been in place for many years now.

“In the early 90’s,” Robbins said, “we began selling our TestElator5512 model to state education departments across the country, and it has been used to generate thousands of tests that students now take for graduation, class completion credits, and entrance into educational institutions that could determine the direction of their entire lives.”

The company’s Teach-I-Do89ABC model will be installed in classrooms in all of Strickland’s public schools when students return in the fall. The robot, which looks similar to C3p0, though not as shiny, is equipped with a 2000 GB memory and a processor not currently seen in any computer systems except for ones used by the U.S. military.

Maloney noted, “The Teach-I-Do comes with a camera, Internet, and interactive capabilities all built in. We will be able to monitor student performance and behavior through a closed circuit system. So, we have drastically reduced our budget by firing human teachers, and now we can even reduce the number of human disciplinary personnel needed.”

Strickland teachers unable to find employment elsewhere were offered the opportunity to have the Teach-I-Do technology surgically attached to their brain and chest areas, where all the robotic functions of data delivery, call and monitor, and data collection could be achieved, along with the necessary camera mounted in the teacher’s chest area.

These edutechnologically-enhanced teachers will share their salary with Edutech officials who are paid to monitor, repair, and upgrade the teachers when necessary.

 Drama teacher Cheryl Penney said of her surgical enhancements, “My brain kind of itches all the time now. But at least my students will be able to show their knowledge of the theatrical arts with all the soul-denying, passionless, inhuman skill that the tests require.” She added, after a scratching bout that caused blood to drip from her edu-brainwise device into her ear, “The future is looking bright for the kids!”

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8 Comments

Filed under Teaching Whore Press

8 responses to “Robot educators bring 21st-century change to nation’s schools

  1. Frederika

    Jeez, Roxy. We lost the privilege of wearing denim jeans back in 2005. Apparently it is believed and there is data that proves that blue denim interferes with teaching and learning, but a suit will get you places!

    • Roxy

      Frederika, the suit will get you to the dry cleaners! My previous administrator said we couldn’t wear “blue jeans,” so I wore black jeans, brown jeans, etc., and he never said a word.

  2. Ellie

    Hey there…just saw your link on mrteachbad and got intrigued. Love the name …. it’s so apropos to many of us. I’m on my 29th year of t-whoring. Well actually 24 of teaching and the last 5 have been the turn to t-whoring.
    I retire next year and am thinking of using any sick leave that doesn’t count as leave at the end just to end the pain as early as possible. I just need to come up with a reason for sick leave …which shouldn’t be hard given that my health is getting wrecked with this job. Home today with the flu….I never used to get sick from this stuff…what the hell

    I cannot believe this is what we’re calling education. Our state moves to merit pay in 2-3 years so my heart goes out to the younger teachers. Of course the good ones are all in grad school planning to get out fast and bad ones….they just get a deer- in-the-headlights look.

    Just bookmarked your blog and I’ll be back. Big, big thanks for this!

  3. Your writing exposes you as caring a great deal for our posterity. As one who began U.S. Army service as a private, I’m interested to know about solutions you think are needed in America’s K through 12 educational system, based on your teaching experience.

    • Thanks, Ronald. I have lots of ideas! They begin with a total rehaul of school structure, such as desiging learning around specific skills and projects instead of subjects. For example, say a group of students spent a day or a week or however long it took with one or more teachers learning how to do one specific thing, like create a digital story or develop a financial budget, instead of spending 6-7 hours a day segmented into English, math, science, etc. That’s just a start….

      • Gilda

        But, but, but—how will we ever test them??????? Did ya ever think about that with your outlandish proposal to actually have students engage in meaningful learning experiences????? Bet ya didn’t, or you would nevah had suggested it. When the heck is your appointment for your attachment-you need it really, really bad.

  4. Roxy

    Can we wear jeans with that? If so, I’m all for it. Right now, Fridays are the only jeans days.

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