Strickland, SOUTH CAROLINA (TWP)
Strickland Public Schools has been chosen to pilot a new educational program designed to ensure students pass state-mandated curriculum and graduation tests. The program, funded in part by a grant from 21st Century Edutech, formerly known as FallApart Products, will see Edutech’s new line of robot educators being placed in the classroom.
Strickland superintendent of schools Ron Maloney said of the program, “What better solution to the current crisis in education. We need more students to pass robotic multiple-choice tests; therefore, we need some real robots doing the teaching.”
21st Century Edutech, former makers of digital blenders, bra extenders, and cardboard boots, got into the business of designing high-tech educational devices, which, according to the company president Steve Robbins, have been in place for many years now.
“In the early 90’s,” Robbins said, “we began selling our TestElator5512 model to state education departments across the country, and it has been used to generate thousands of tests that students now take for graduation, class completion credits, and entrance into educational institutions that could determine the direction of their entire lives.”
The company’s Teach-I-Do89ABC model will be installed in classrooms in all of Strickland’s public schools when students return in the fall. The robot, which looks similar to C3p0, though not as shiny, is equipped with a 2000 GB memory and a processor not currently seen in any computer systems except for ones used by the U.S. military.
Maloney noted, “The Teach-I-Do comes with a camera, Internet, and interactive capabilities all built in. We will be able to monitor student performance and behavior through a closed circuit system. So, we have drastically reduced our budget by firing human teachers, and now we can even reduce the number of human disciplinary personnel needed.”
Strickland teachers unable to find employment elsewhere were offered the opportunity to have the Teach-I-Do technology surgically attached to their brain and chest areas, where all the robotic functions of data delivery, call and monitor, and data collection could be achieved, along with the necessary camera mounted in the teacher’s chest area.
These edutechnologically-enhanced teachers will share their salary with Edutech officials who are paid to monitor, repair, and upgrade the teachers when necessary.
Drama teacher Cheryl Penney said of her surgical enhancements, “My brain kind of itches all the time now. But at least my students will be able to show their knowledge of the theatrical arts with all the soul-denying, passionless, inhuman skill that the tests require.” She added, after a scratching bout that caused blood to drip from her edu-brainwise device into her ear, “The future is looking bright for the kids!”