Missing students located under pile of state-mandated testing manuals

 San Sebastian, NEW MEXICO (TWP)

Three missing San Sebastian Middle School students were located after hours of being reported missing by their English teacher Lynn Singleterry. Singleterry, who had been cleaning out a four-drawer filing cabinet full of directives and manuals from the principal, superintendent, and state education department, said they disappeared sometime during second hour.

Local authorities were contacted at the end of 3rd hour, but a thorough sweep of the school revealed nothing but Billy Roth smoking one of his dad’s cigarettes in the juniper bush by the back door, ten-thousand pieces of gum (2 still in wrapper), and the school secretary hiding from the principal in the custodian’s closet.

Sgt. Dave Langston said, “We figure they probably ran away to avoid taking these tests that are starting up. I know my own son stayed home a few days last year around this time with what he said was a yeast infection.”

Eventually, the children were found when Singleterry’s 7th hour class noticed movement in the pile of test booklets at the front of the room. In addition to the Iowa basic skills test, the state department  mandated that all 8th grade students were required to take and pass an end of instruction test in every core subject.

“All I teach is 8th grade, so I’ve got enough test booklets in here to wipe the shit from every state education official’s butt til the end of the new century,” Singleterry said.

The children were unharmed by the incident, though they had missed lunch and were dehydrated but happy to have missed algebra. As they were lifted from the debris, the test pamphlets slid across the room and comingled with the pile of directives and objectives that Singleterry was cleaning out of a four-drawer file cabinet near the classroom door.

With the entrance to the classroom blocked, firefighters were called in to break the unopenable window in the corner of the room and rescue the 7th hour class, along with Singleterry, the three missing children, and two police officers.

 Missing child Sue Williams said as she was led to an ambulance, “It was scary under there. Those tests smelled like poo poo.”

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4 Comments

Filed under Teaching Whore Press

4 responses to “Missing students located under pile of state-mandated testing manuals

  1. Roxy

    They smell like shit and taste eve worse. In a lesson on using sensory details, we touched, tasted, smelled, looked and listened to the tests, but not a word was heard; although, one student said page 10 tasted like Braum’s birthday cake ice cream.

  2. duke1959

    I talked to a teacher one day and she said they even have to cover up things on the walls that a child might see. I asked her if there was a box score from a baseball game on the wall would that have to be covered up? She said yes so they could not see the numbers. Here is another fact about all this testing. In the real world the only time it might matter how you did is someone ask you what your GPA was in College.

    • Rather than ask the students to do something that shows what they have learned, the officials keep churning out smelly tests that don’t measure their critical thinking skills. I’m not sure the GPA is even looked at much anymore!

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