Teachers ban use of “utilize” and “implement”


In a faculty meeting at Deerborn High School, teachers voted to ban the use of certain verbs that appear repeatedly in documents from the state education department and the school’s own administration.

 Faculty president Rhonda Ledbetter said, “We’re tired of being told to “utilize the available resources that the state has provided” when what they mean is ‘use the textbooks.”

 Ledbetter said the issue wasn’t with what the teachers were being told to do. “We ignore that all the time anyway,” she said. “We’ve tried to explain how policies for change must start at the student/teacher/classroom level, but they just keep on having some educational blowhards at the state department coming up with new shit for us to do—or should I say, new shit for us to implement?’”

Physics teacher Milo Campbell said, “This ban is our attempt to force meaningful dialogue with the educational officials; however, we know we need to work on the nouns next. ‘Initiative,’ ‘compliance,’ and ‘rigor’ are getting pretty old.”

 Other verbs the teachers are considering banning are “integrate,” “perceive,” “deem” and “encompass.”  The ban, though not official, is being followed by all teachers in their own correspondence and conversation.

 Principal Stan Tipton, who was not at the meeting, said, “Whatever these teachers perceive as a problem should be brought to the school board. We can’t implement change unless we integrate their ideas with ours.”

 When asked for further clarification, Tipton said, “Whatever policy the superintendent deems necessary is what we will utilize in our schools.”



Filed under Teaching Whore Press

11 responses to “Teachers ban use of “utilize” and “implement”

  1. Fluxion Fred

    The math teachers should get a pass on integrate.

    And “deem” should be OK in popular-music courses, as in, “Frank Sinatra’s entourage often included sycophantic second-string vocalists such as Sammy Davis Jr. and Deem Martin.”

  2. Haha we use implement and utilize WAY too much in my career field too. Oh, and ideate (not sure that’s even a word), strategy and execute. Gag me now!

  3. And ‘consequently’. I had a coach that used that word in over half of his sentences. Consequently gentlemen… Just kidding. Any word can be overused or poorly chosen. But I full agree with the utilization of ‘utilize’ :O)

  4. SBT

    Don’t forget the engagement strategies and differentiated instruction! All of this jargon sounds really nifty but it’s not actually doing anything to help solve the education problems in our country. While the language seems to support the “objectives,” it’s really just a mask behind which the politicians can hide in order to be re-elected.

  5. Is the use of certain verbs just a perceived threat or deemed a real danger? Anyhow, implement change, stat.

  6. Roxy

    Don’t we have to address the needs of the 21st century learner and work on collaboration, problem solving, design, creativity, multi-intelligences, going green, tweetin’ and facebookin’, and warm fuzzies and 5-paragraph essays? What are we to deem necessary? More importantly: What’s gonna be on the test?

  7. duke1959

    Lets see. We have an educational system that is broke and adults are fussing at each other over whether they need to use verbs? Interesting.

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