Teachers enjoy their summers OFF

Across America (TWP)

In the glorious days of summer, when teachers frolic and gambol through the wildflower fields, all is right with the world. The teachers rise each day somewhere between ten and noon and then eat blueberry pancakes with specially ground French roast bean coffee and nap and watch a Lifetime movie in the afternoon.

After watching the movie and perhaps playing with a very furry calico kitten, the teachers take another nap and then rise at dinnertime to have fettuccine Bolognese or roasted chicken with garlic or grilled salmon, because they have time to learn to be top chefs in the summer when they are OFF.

In the evening, the teachers might gather together with friends and family for board games or dominoes or cards, which they will win at . . . because they are teachers. Or they might have a martini on the lawn at the city museum where an outdoor art exhibit is being presented. Afterwards, they will go to the horse races and bet on number 8 in the fifth race to place because its name is Schoolhouse, and they will win.

They will go to bed around midnight after having an aperitif and half a Cuban cigar on the veranda of their home with a special friend, lover, or partner. They will be wearing white linen or lace or both and the hummingbirds will swoon in their presence, and the moon will shine only for them through the wisteria branches cascading across the trellised porch railing.

Throughout the night, they will have the flying dream and sail above the bright blue ocean and the mint-green grasses of some beautiful and foreign locale and then alight upon an island to share champagne with George Clooney (or Penelope Cruz) (or Anderson Cooper or Jodie Foster) and become enveloped in the music of the night’s sea breezes and swaying palm trees.

This summer day will be repeated over and over for eight weeks or six or three . . . whatever constitutes summer in the district the teacher resides. During these sensual, lazy days, the teachers will read no books or texts related to their teaching field, attend no conferences or workshops, grade no AP exams, compile no PowerPoints or lesson plans, attend no staff development or college classes for continuing credit, do no training in the latest educational fad, perform no part-time work like cutting lawns or painting or teaching summer school or tutoring in order to make enough money to continue in the work that is one’s calling for the other 10 months of the year, write no letters of recommendation for current or former students,  enroll in no classes for continuing toward a master’s degree, design no new curriculum even though they are being asked to teach a new class in the fall with no text or resources or funds, learn no new skills, teach no driver’s ed classes, administer or monitor no ACT or SAT exams, conduct no teacher workshops, plan for no student council, cheerleading, journalism, choir, drama, speech, or academic team competitions or workshops to be held at their school in the fall, and they definitely will not write to senators and departments of education and speak with other teachers or write pointless blogs on wordpress sites about issues of concern to schools across the nation.

In short, in their summers OFF, teachers will live as so many believe they really do.

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15 Comments

Filed under Teaching Whore Press

15 responses to “Teachers enjoy their summers OFF

  1. I am at the right blog to go on a Polemic Rage Filibuster about how teachers are outrageously overpaid?
    Good.
    I think we need to mandate state teaching gag orders to achieve less whining, Do teachers really need, money squandering perks? Luxuries like retirement plans? Allow me to answer. “No.Why not just add on, giving teachers a private bathroom, each with a roll of mink fur toilet tissue, and solid gold toilet seats?” Can’t we put in pay toilets for them and charge for that coffee they get for free? We all know the don’t pay for coffee in a round-robin coffee bringing person’s turn. That is called Propaganda. And anything like that is probably socialism waiting to happen.
    Teachers do not need company cars. Period. Especially not import luxury sedans. I say give them roller skates, and a canned air horn.

    I am sure you ladies will agree.We should work together to cut taxes, and demand new schools paid for by retired teachers.
    Also, lets not worry about myths like asbestos,We must take away valet parking, and increase class size by 50 more students per class. 2 hours for lunch? Why not just chain them to their desks to reduce slagging and increase papers to be graded by 250 more per student.
    Are teachers bilking us. That is rhetorical. Do we really need professional education specialists to teach our kids? Why do we need degree laden scholarly pedagogical blue bloods ruling like monarchs?. I say just let the internet raise kids, it seems to be doing that on it’s own.
    And teacher’s computers! Windows 95? Tech support that comes in 5 minutes to fix computers that a running fine anyway? And do they really need all that high tech stuff. Like a key board? -I mean come on! Give ‘em a big chief pad, and a hefty pencil instead. It never hurt me.
    Why are we killing trees? Xerox copies? I say bring back those plastic overheads, with wax pens where spit is your eraser. So what if teachers go blind from looking into a 5000 watt bulb. That’s what their medical insurance should – not pay- for.

    I’m so darn mad I can’t continue without misspelling a bad word. There is no emoticon that can express my emotional instability and borderline delusions.

    Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. I am sure you all agree, teachers need more bureaucratic discipline. This is just totally ridiculous.
    Outraged and illiterate,
    Gas pump attendant, Texas.

  2. Sean

    I’m going to be ugly, but no workshops, no new curriculum, no department chair meetings. It took 30 years, but I am FINALLY made it!

  3. Miss Crabtree

    Meant to put this as reply to TW’s flying to Aruba reply. Meant Bing, not Bong, but am sitting here laughing hysterically at the new character I have created: Bong Crosby–one of the flying Crosby Boys. OMG.

  4. Miss Crabtree

    Oo-oo-oo! A new buddy film: “The Road to Aruba.” Of course, Bob Hope and Bong Crosby are dead, as are all of the girls of the “road films.” Who can we cast in the parts?

  5. Internet, TX (Today)
    In response to the overwhelming Word Press Blog Viewing Community, Weird Dude Blog has issued a news release to Word Press Readers everywhere to state on behalf of everyone that, “We all are too timid to address T.W. by her proper name, of The Teaching **ore.” Stated Geek, Stanley Pinkerton, 35;at a press lectern before an impressive audience of 3,094 blog viewers who routinely read the much loved T.W. blog . Pinkerton drank from a glass of water and nervously he continued, ” I am guilty of this myself,” [as I lack] “the acidulous …’Potty Mout*’ to properly address her as such.”
    -Weird Dude Blog Viewer Weekly Magazine .
    ————————————————————————-
    Gatorbag FL (Yesterday)
    An impressed power figure later stated in concurrence:
    “…so I will just say instead that the [Harvard Classics Pulitzer Prize Winner]“….the (T.W.) who I will, for decorum, call ‘The Pedagogical Prostitute,’ of Blogging–sure as taxes and death: has tremendous erudition and sardonic wit. We here at Head Quarters give her Blog ‘Two Thumbs and 4 toes up!’ ”

    -Stanley Pinkerton Word Press CEO.

    • Miss Crabtree

      All she wants is a john, so to speak. She don’t need no pimp, Daddy!
      But, I do love the challenge to a.k.a. TW, or SatP.

      So, who can top The Pedagogical Prostitute? [This title actually closely relates to the current ed deformation movement, if ya think about it! Aren't we all being asked to turn that trick?]

  6. Frederika

    TW: I TOTALLY get the level of your frustration from your previous post, Is Anybody Reading? I, too, am a bloggette–feminine of blogger. I, too, am perpetually frustrated by the lack of give and take, back and forth, dialogue and interaction between me and the damned readers. My stats tell me they are reading, but NO ONE ever posts except a few constant and supportive friends. I do thank them, but does the rest of the blog-reading world not understand their part in all this? It is their role and responsibility to give as good as they get. Come on people. Let your fingers do the talking on my yellowed pages.

    doesexperiencecount.wordpress.com if anyone is interested. I am not nearly as funny as TW, but I am occasionally amusing. A soupcon of humour.

    Give us girls a break. Talk to us people.

  7. HAHA! So very good.( mmMmm blueberry pancakes ) Good for you guys. A well deserved and by the sounds of it; a time well spent.

  8. scifilady

    Aw, summer, I think I will spend all summer sitting on a white sand beach just under the shade of a colorful umbrella sipping Margaritas. Maybe, somewhere over the rainbow……

  9. Gilda

    Oh, TW/SATP,
    You made my day with this post! I am retiring in a very, very short while, and plan to spend not only my summer, but the REST OF MY LIFE, perfecting your summer schedule. I do need to work in some piano playing time, and serious playtime with family members under the age of five. So many interests to be investigated–and none of them involve a ringing bell or a meeting with an agenda.
    See you on the verandah-I’ll be the one with the loopy grin!

    Gilda–Thank you! Imagine if each of our classrooms had a veranda to the outside world. Wow…that would be so awesome–cure a myriad of ills with one porch.–TW

    • Gilda

      You are so right! I’d love it-”porch time” should be a requirement of teaching-sort of a time-out for staff. I know it would have helped me….
      Please keep up your fabulosity!

  10. Gricklegrass

    You are a superb observer and reporter of life!

  11. Gricklegrass

    I will also visit the circus, pet and elephant, and talk with the unicorns in my mind.

    But are you riding the unicorn on the beach in your underdrawers with a tattoo and a hat?–TW

  12. Teaching. That sounds as sweet of a job as my panhandling. Except I didn’t need a college degree. I am that good. I have full dental. I guess you teachers have full collision and a masseuse with your free school supplies?

    I heard a ivory tower, oak furniture immured, first year teacher say her corner office is too big. It echos. That is scary.
    This enthusiastic teacher got to sleep until 1 pm and work ended at 3pm. Well earlier, but I am adding time for the light traffic on the walk along the nature trail to work.
    This loquacious teacher just could not stop herself from saying “she also loved the small classes, bright eyed – all A students hanging on her last word in silent awe. Also she was bragging about the reserved parking space and an outrageously obscene amount of salary for doing all of this.
    Blue Berry Pancakes? Can’t I get a teaching degree in the mail, or maybe with enough cereal box tops?
    You have certainly disillusioned me. My mom thus was telling me lies when she said she quit teaching due to the horrible kids?
    I envy your 10.000 dollar late machine. You know the one in the recently remodeled teacher’s lounge? Now I know that my taxes are at least going towards something worthwhile.
    “No espresso left behind.” That’s what George Bush said. Thanks for the education, about education George. If George could read, we wouldn’t have both failed out of that community college. But now I think it may have been teacher negligence and not just base stupidity on our part.
    Wow. I feel validated :)
    Well T.W. I say more power to you academic Republican GOP shining beacons of industry. What ever you are not doing you seem to be getting away with it. :)
    Thanks. You made my day. I don’t know if you will receive this comment. I am sure that your secretary will send me a really nice rejection email on fancy letterhead, if not. And that makes it all worthwhile.
    Can I start a sentence with “And,” and do I really need punctuation? My teachers were all pretty sketchy on that. They were really busy -probably drinking coffee, while some intern graded those tests.

    This is hilarious. It’s like part 2 of my story!–TW

  13. Miss Crabtree

    I do not know which I enjoy more on a mid-summer morn: the pancakes created from the hand-picked blueberries, from along the coast somewhere near Blue Hill, Maine, or the carefully roasted and just-ground hand-picked coffee from a small boutique plantation in Aruba.

    Nah–I got it. It’s those stale Cheerios straight outta the box, followed by a tepid cup of yesterday’s left-over Folger’s that was on sale at the Food Lion last week.

    However, I do think that I shall upgrade this summer. Your more de luxe breakfast sounds charming and doable. I need me some pampering, even if it is self-induced.

    –A group of fellow teachers and I are flying to Aruba this summer just to buy that special blend of which you mention!–TW

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